How the enneagram changed our marriage/relationships

"We all have different thought patterns or personalities but one thing is for sure, we become our best selves when fear isn't running the show." @Me

Have you ever thought to yourself  "What were they thinking?" or "That is not how I would of handled that." I'm a 1 on the enneagram and Tanner is a 7 (I'm jealous). If I could pinpoint one of my many flaws one would be that I'm a black and white thinker. I like clear rules and I live with a set of my own while I hold others (unknowingly albeit) to the same standards. I realize while I type this, it sounds ridiculous. I wish I could decide to change my number and be a 7 but we don't live in that universe. This blog post will be a vulnerable one. Here's a short description if you have no clue what I'm talking about: The Enneagram (Ennea=9, Gram=Diagram) outlines nine basic Personality Types that clearly describes why each of us thinks, feels and behaves in particular ways based on our core fears and desires. This powerful tool can help us harness and transform self-limiting behaviors into life-enhancing personal empowerment. It can also help us create and sustain meaningful healthy relationships with God, others and ourselves. {from Your Enneagram Coach} 

The initial discovery of finding your number feels like someone's convicting you of dirt you knew you had but you chose to ignore and instead, throw up your hands and say, "It's just the way I am and I can't change." I hope you take this opportunity to really dig into this topic and use this helpful tool to become more self aware. We have no choice but to grow when confronted with our shadow side. How can we stay the same if we know there's sufficient space for us to live in the light? There's work to be done.

2019 Was a big year for My husband and I, #understatement. We moved from Washington to Montana, we got a doggo, we attended a new church community and we bought our first home, just to name a few changes.  Thankfully our new church started a enneagram introduction series that Spring. Pre-enneagram Claire was very skeptical. My family of origin is a very religious anti-harry potter-homeschooled home. So you can imagine when my pastor displayed the enneagram star I had thoughts of jumping ship due to the resemblances to a satanic star.

I'm happy to report our church only worships God (cue praise hands🙌) and our congregation continues to benefit from this helpful tool of self knowledge through the lens of the gospel. 
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​Our marriage leveled up because we finally had a common vernacular to utilize during those challenging conversations all relationships have. Like I mentioned before, I used to hold standards I thought everyone knew about. Thanks to the enneagram I accept that there is a wide spectrum of thought patterns and I can't unknowingly force those rules I hold on my husband. There is a mutual benefit to these convictions. The uncomfortable conversations pre-enneagram went like this...
Me: {waits and waits for Tanner to take action on the crusty Mac n cheese pot he left out the night before}
Tanner: {waits longer than I would wait}
Me: Why don't you care about me!?😭 
Tanner: What the heck is she freaking out about? I literally  was just about to do the dishes.

Post enneagram us are far from perfect and will always be growing. But now instead of taking things as a personal attack to my well being I know he means well and I take a curiosity check on our differences. 

Currently, I'm reading some Brene Brown. So, Look out world! I'm trudging through deep feelings and I'm going to be stronger because of it. Stay tuned for more growth and personal development. I'm sure I'm not the only one riding these waves so if this was encouraging to you please reach out. Writing into the abyss feels strange but I hope this reaches at least one person and that it ignites you to jump into the conversation. 
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I love you all! 
-Claire